The Open Door Church

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2018-05-20

Raising Healthy Kids in a Sick World:

Principles for Establishing Boundaries

(I John 3:4, NIV)

“Whoever commits sin also commits lawlessness,

and sin is lawlessness”

 

I.  Introduction

     Last week we learned from Scripture that the parenting style modeled by God includes the establishment of boundaries for our children—limits placed on behavior, statements of what can and cannot take place.  John echoed the same truth when he wrote, “Whoever commits sin also commits lawlessness, and sin is lawlessness” (I John 3:4, NIV).  The word translated “lawlessness” literally means to “overstep a boundary.”

     Last week we also defined the Christian’s parenting objective: To produce responsible adults who are able to function independently of their parents’ authority, yet totally submitted to God’s authority!  As we concluded last week’s lesson, I said that as we study the boundaries God has established for His children, four principles surface that are important for parents to understand as we set up boundaries for our children—then I listed them for you:

• Boundaries should be clearly stated.

• Boundaries should include a reason for their enforcement.

• Boundaries should include an explanation of the consequences of violation.

• Boundaries should include an explanation of the rewards of obedience.

In this lesson we will look at each one of these in more detail.

 

II.  Boundaries Should Be Clearly Stated

     The first principle is that boundaries should be clearly stated.  When God gives His children boundaries He leaves no doubt about what He expects of them.  The most well known example of clarity and precision in God’s boundary setting for His children is found in the Ten Commandments.

• “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3, NIV).

• “You shall not make for yourself an image” (Exodus 20:4, NIV).

• “You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God” (Exodus 20:7, NIV).

• “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy” (Exodus 20:8, NIV).

• “Honor your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12, NIV).

• “You shall not murder” (Exodus 20:13, NIV).

• “You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14, NIV).

• “You shall not steal” (Exodus 20:15, NIV).

• “You shall not give false testimony” (Exodus 20:16, NIV).

• “You shall not covet” (Exodus 20:17, NIV).

     Suffice it to say that God is specific when He establishes a boundary.  His people were not always obedient, but they always knew when they were guilty!  This is God’s model for clarity when setting boundaries.

     When you set boundaries for your children be specific.  Tell them exactly what you expect and when you expect it.  Don’t just say, “Be in early.”  Tell them what time to be in.  Don’t chew them out for talking on the phone “too much.”  Tell them when they can use the phone and for how long.  If you don’t want your daughter to wear a bikini, don’t just tell her to buy “something decent.”  Tell her not to buy a bikini!  Don’t speak in generalities and then hit the ceiling when your kids don’t meet your unspoken expectations.  Be clear and specific!

 

III. Boundaries Should Include a Reason for Their Enforcement

     The second principle is that boundaries should include a reason for their enforcement.  In Scripture if there may be some question about why a certain thing is prohibited or commanded, God often includes a reason for its enforcement.  For example, He established a boundary for the behavior of His children when He inspired Paul to write, “Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities” (Romans 13:1a, NIV).  That must have sounded totally unreasonable to people who were living under the authority of a government that was killing Christians daily!  Knowing that questions would arise regarding this behavioral boundary, God gave the reason for its enforcement:  “For there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.  Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves” (Romans 13:1b-2, NIV).

     Unfortunately many parents fail to apply this principle.  Instead, they answer their children’s questions regarding the reason for certain boundaries with that famous line that has been used for generations—“Because I said so!”  If anyone ever had a right to refuse to explain Himself, it was God!  Yet He took the time to explain why He set certain boundaries.  If God took the time to explain the reason for His boundaries, parents today would be wise to do the same!

     One consequence of failing to explain why boundaries have been established is that children grow up thinking there is no good reason.  If there is no good reason, it follows that there is really no good reason to obey—especially when Mom and Dad are not around to monitor their behavior.  That is certainly not a healthy attitude for children to carry with them into adulthood!

 

IV.  Boundaries Should Include an Explanation of the Consequences of Violation

     The third principle is that boundaries should include an explanation of the consequences of violation.  When God establishes boundaries He is clear not only about what He expects His children to do and why, but also about what He will do if we don’t obey.  We, on the other hand, have a tendency to be unclear about what consequences will result from disobedience.  Do these statements sound familiar?  “You’d better mow the grass today…or else!”  Or what about, “If you don’t clean up your room, you’ll be sorry!”  Or maybe, “If I catch you talking one more time, you’re going to get it!” 

     God is never this vague regarding the consequences of disobedience.  Let’s look at an example of God’s clarity when explaining the consequences of disobedience.  After He gave a detailed description of what was expected of the Israelites when they entered the Promised Land, God inspired Moses to issue an equally detailed description of what would happen if they disobeyed.  He wrote, “If you do not obey the LORD your God and do not carefully follow all his commands and decrees I am giving you today, all these curses will come on you and overtake you…Your basket and your kneading trough will be cursed.  The fruit of your womb will be cursed, and the crops of your land, and the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks …The LORD will plague you with diseases until he has destroyed you from the land you are entering to possess.  The LORD will strike you with wasting disease, with fever and inflammation, with scorching heat and drought, with blight and mildew…The LORD will cause you to be defeated before your enemies” (Deuteronomy 28:15…17-18…21-22a…25a, NIV).

     God clearly communicates the consequences of His children’s disobedience, and we must do so as well.  Not only must we be clear about consequences, but we must be consistent in following through with the stated consequences.  Specific threats do no good if you don’t follow through with the consequences.  Consistency is essential when you discipline your children.

     

V.  Boundaries Should Include an Explanation of the Rewards of Obedience

     The fourth principle is that boundaries should include an explanation of the rewards of obedience.  God rewards His children for obedience, and we should do the same for our children.  A wonderful example of God’s parenting style regarding the rewarding of obedience is recorded by James.  He wrote, “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him” (James 1:12, NIV).  God used the prospect of being rewarded as an incentive for His children to obey Him—and if we are going to follow His example, we must reward our children when they are obedient!

     When a greater amount of effort is required on the part of our children to stay within a particular boundary, the reward should be greater.  Jesus established this principle in the Sermon on the Mount.  He said, “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you” (Matthew 5:11-12, NIV).  It is one thing to obey—it is another thing to obey when facing of persecution!  The “great…reward” is promised when our obedience requires greater effort!  The rewarding of our children should reflect this same principle.

 

VI.  Conclusion

     Boundaries are most effective at developing children who grow into productive, godly adults when they are established in an environment of unconditional love!  The greatest expression of unconditional love is found in a well known statement made by Jesus.  He said, “God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16, NIV).  With no preset conditions, God “loved the world.”  Next week we will discuss the importance of “Unconditional Love” in the parenting process.     

 

Next Steps:

• Believe in Jesus to receive the gift of eternal life.  He said, “God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16, NIV).

• Ask God to teach you to set wise boundaries of your children.  Paul wrote, “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord” (Colossians 3:20, NIV).  Children can’t obey if no boundaries have been established!

      

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